Category Archives: Uncategorized

Eugene, OR — A team of archaeologists has broken ground on the burial site of ancient Neanderthals, and has uncovered shocking evidence that not only did our biological predecessors have open mics, but that those open mics sucked just as much as they do today. “We were completely astonished by our findings,” remarked Dr. JenniferContinue reading “New Findings Reveal Cavemen Had Open Mics, and That They Also Sucked”

Houston, TX — Local comedy patron Eric Graves decided to put himself at the mercy of a global pandemic last night by going out to listen to his friend, comedian Bryan Cohen, perform a recycled and unrevised set at Paddy’s Dive Bar. “So is anyone here on Tinder? I am, because the alternative is jerkingContinue reading “Local Comedy Fan Risks Life to Hear Friend’s Unchanged Tinder Joke”

Chicago, IL — Open mic host and ten-year bar show veteran Alex Evans has spent the last decade asking uninterested families, bar patrons, and other comedians to “give it up”. But now, he’s realized that maybe he should take his own advice, and has decided to “give it up” himself. “I guess you could sayContinue reading “BREAKING: Open Mic Host Gives It Up”

St. Paul, MN — Stand-up comedian Byron Klode has chosen to shun the glitz and glamour that comes with being a successful stage performer, and has decided instead to merely devote himself to stand-up comedy for “the love of the craft”. Coincidentally, and perhaps to his advantage, no one is currently interested in paying forContinue reading “Comedian Who “Doesn’t Do It for the Money” Doesn’t Have Much of a Choice”

Garnet Valley, PA — A recent outdoor open mic, hosted by members of Substandard Comedy Collective, was disrupted suddenly when several nearby geese began relentlessly heckling the comedians onstage. “I’ve been heckled before, but I never met a drunk asshole who was louder than these damn geese,” recalled Kiana Lawrence, Substandard Comedy co-founder and buddingContinue reading “Outdoor Open Mic Heckled by Geese”

New Orleans, LA — Aspiring comedian and community college dropout Kevin Murphy signed up for his first open mic this week. Although his jokes have never been heard by an audience, they have caused quite a commotion in the Murphy household since his set list was discovered by his parents, who could not tell ifContinue reading “Set List or Manifesto? These Dick Jokes Were Clearly Written in Anger.”

Staten Island, NY — The city’s comedy scene has tragically lost one of its own: Jimmy Cantonelli, a comedian from Staten Island, who succumbed to pneumonia last Thursday morning. He was surrounded by family and close friends, who claim that just before he passed, he “saw the light”, and assumed he had about one toContinue reading “Dying Comedian Sees “The Light”, Assumes He Has 1-2 Minutes Left to Live”

Raleigh, NC — The “Women Be Shopping” comedy showcase kicked off in the clearance section of Home Goods to boisterous reception. The stage was fully decked in garden gnomes, as well as oversized decorative house plants, with harsh LED lighting that stung the retinas of those present. Master of ceremonies and widely unrecognized vlogger, MandyContinue reading “Ross’ HomeGoods Store Hosts “Women Be Shopping” Comedy Showcase”

Beloit, WI — A local comedy fan caused quite a stir during a showcase at Spicy Dave’s Wing Shack last Tuesday; Beloit resident Allen Stewart, who has never performed comedy in his life, managed to make more of a profit than headlining comedian, Jordan “Laugh Man” Crawl, simply by charging his mobile device at theContinue reading “Comedy Patron Out-Earns Headliner by Charging Phone at Venue”

Ellicott City, MD — Local stand-up comic and producer, Tyler Fordham, has learned the dangers of mixing business with pleasure, and has decided to stop humping the stool he brings on stage with him before things start getting too serious. “It started off as something casual,” claimed Fordham. “I was in the middle of aContinue reading “Comedian Decides to Stop Humping Stool Before Things Get Too Serious”