Category Archives: Uncategorized

Providence, RI — While local comedian Taylor North claims he is excited about loosening COVID restrictions and reviving live comedy, he recently admitted that when he talks about his penis into a microphone, he can’t help but wish his family was there to support him. “It would just be nice to know they cared,” NorthContinue reading “Comic Wishes Family Would Come Out to See Him Talk About His Penis More”

Tyler, TX — A nurse at UT Medical Center has been approached by several comedy club bookers and one late night representative after he was seen tapping on a patient’s ventilator and asking, “Hey, is this thing on?” “I don’t think now’s the time to be thinking about comedy shows,” remarked a panicked Calvin Monaghan,Continue reading “Frontline Nurse Offered Comedy Gig After Tapping Ventilator, Asking “Is This Thing On?””

Manhattan, NY — Hoping to cash in on emerging cryptocurrency trends, comedy booker Christian Adamski recently announced he is replacing traditional analog drink vouchers with his new cryptocurrency, “DrinkTicket.” “Paying hardworking comics with complimentary drink tickets is an age old tradition,” remarked Adamski, waving his iPhone 7+ and gesturing matter-of-factly with his other hand. “ButContinue reading “Comedy Booker Debuts New Cryptocurrency, “DrinkTicket””

Aberdeen, MD — Local psychopath and serial murderer Jeffrey Palmer was looking forward to a typical Wednesday night of having a few drinks and thinking about how people’s skin would look as furniture when his trusty kill list was altered by someone who confused it for an open mic sign-up sheet. “I had no ideaContinue reading “Psychopath’s Kill List Mistaken for Open Mic Sign-Up Sheet”

Kalamazoo, MI — Local comedian and open mic host Bob Razzio was seen preparing diligently for last week’s show by putting on his nicest Fruit Of The Loom sweatpants. “I just want people to know I take it seriously,” Razzio said of his ensemble, which also included a grease-stained event tee and zero deodorant. “WhenContinue reading “Comedian Prepares for Open Mic by Changing Into Nice Sweatpants”

Long Island, NY — Local comedian Vinny Tonnatoulie was recently banned from the only food delivery app that serviced his neighborhood after he allegedly tried to tip the driver in drink tickets. “These rideshare snobs think they’re so much better than me,” Tonnatoulie grumbled angrily. “I don’t have any fuckin’ idea why this guy turnedContinue reading “Comic Banned From Delivery App for Trying to Tip in Drink Tickets”

Trenton, NJ — Club promoter and self-appointed “Pied Piper of greater Jersey” Leon Dibatista, has cancelled Turnpikes’s open mic night with as much haste and drunken whimsy as he originally booked the event in the first place. “We needed asses in those seats,” exclaimed a dumbfounded Dibatista, who may have been grossly exploiting the trustContinue reading “Club Promoter Who Doesn’t Promote Shows Cancels Open Mic, Cites Lack of Attendance”

Austin, TX — Comics and comedy fans across the Southwest are mourning the untimely loss of the mildly funny and remarkably well-dressed Mark “Zippy” Zypultski, who died last week in a horrifying tie-straightening accident. “Zippy was always dressed real sharp,” remarked friend and colleague Lonnie Sanchez. “I knew him for almost twenty years, and IContinue reading “Comedian In Suit Dies In Tragic Tie-Straightening Accident”

New York, NY — Stand-up comic Tyler Hay continues to identify as a “bonafide New York comedian,” despite the fact he has yet to write a single joke about homeless people pleasuring themselves on the subway. “I thought Tyler was a funny, New York type of guy,” reported comedy club attendant Derek Hartford. “However, itContinue reading “Poser NY Comedian Hasn’t Even Joked About Homeless People Masturbating on the Subway”

Palm Beach, FL — Following weeks of fallout due to an attempted coup, disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump has permanently banned from Tony’s Tiki Hut’s very popular Tuesday night comedy open mic. “Trump has been coming in for years,” said host Al Flannery. “He was a pain to work with, would just sort of walkContinue reading “Donald Trump Banned From Palm Beach’s Tuesday Night Tiki Bar Open Mic”