Author Archives: The Bringer

Boise, ID — First-time open mic comedian Nate Ackerton had a precocious showing at his first open mic, offering pointers to female comics throughout the event before having even performed his own set, eye-rolling sources report. “I’ve wanted to be a comic since I was a kid,” the 21-year-old Ackerton said over a Bud LightContinue reading “Prodigy? This First-Time Open Micer Already Tells Female Comedians How to Improve Their Material.”

Baltimore, MD — Marcus Ashley, who proclaimed with bombast that he was “totally a stoner comedian” at his last open mic performance, is apparently the least frequent marijuana smoker at any given comedy showcase he appears on, sources confirmed. “I got a huge bong in my room and I love lighting that thing up,” boastedContinue reading “Self-Proclaimed “Stoner Comedian” Smokes Least Weed of Anyone On Lineup”

Olympia, WA ⁠— Open mic host Mason Hernandez recently restarted his comedy open mic at Shooty’s Brew Pub with new safety precautions in place requiring each comic to bring their own stool to hump. “We desperately need live comedy to start coming back in Olympia,” said Hernandez, who had to discontinue his Zoom open micContinue reading “COVID-Conscious Host Requires Comics to Bring Their Own Stool to Hump”

Denver, CO — Nine comedians/audience members of a recent show at Squeezy’s Cafe in downtown Denver have been confirmed dead following an open mic event that, by all accounts, could have been much worse. “This is truly a tragic loss which will be felt deeply by the local arts community for a long time,” saidContinue reading “Nine Dead After Open Mic Goes As Well As Expected”

El Segundo, CA — In a courageous act of kindness that was at first assumed to be an elaborate bit, audience member Dr. Neelesh Bagrodia was lauded as a hero Wednesday night after administering the Heimlich maneuver to a choking comedian at Big Chillin’ LA’s weekly open mic. Bagrodia’s medical knowledge became critically important whenContinue reading “Heroic Doctor Administers Heimlich Maneuver to Choking Comedian”

Trenton, NJ — As COVID-19 restrictions continue to loosen nationwide, one comedy open mic is laying down the law by requiring masks at all times, with the unique exception of the performing comedian, a distinction passed around to each person in the cramped back room of Beauregard Tavern for five minutes at a time. “PeopleContinue reading “Masks Required at COVID-Safe Open Mic, With Exception of Everyone, One At a Time, for Five Minutes Each”

When I first met Tyler, I was so excited. He was a stand-up comedian and he was so funny. (Funny guys are such a turn-on!) When he met my friends, he would make jokes and they all totally loved him. And it seemed like he had a little joke for everyone he saw on theContinue reading “Opinion: Wow, My Comedian Boyfriend Is Still Being Funny All the Time…”

Dover, DE — Heavy drinker of sixteen years and comedian of three months Jeff LaRoux was ecstatic to discover that there is such a thing in the world of stand-up as “drink minimums.” “This shit keeps getting better,” LaRoux belched. “Normally when I go out somewhere, they tell me to stop drinking after a certainContinue reading “New Comedian and Veteran Alcoholic Excited About These So-Called “Drink Minimums””

Virginia Beach, VA – In front of a 6th grade class at Andrew Jackson Middle School II in Virginia Beach, stand-up comedian and subpar father Monty Johnson decided to end his Career Day presentation with a real haymaker about anal sex. “I did probably seven, eight minutes,” claimed Johnson of his speech that was mostlyContinue reading “Comedian Father Closes Career Day Speech with Joke About Anal Sex”

You know folks, something’s been on my mind lately, and maybe you’ve seen this too. Have you ever noticed these guys who call themselves comedians who won’t stop talking about me? These hack losers who think they’re the voice of a generation and who can’t seem to keep my name out of their mouths? Hey,Continue reading “What’s the Deal With Hack Comedians? (Guest Article by Airline Food)”