Virginia Beach, VA – In front of a 6th grade class at Andrew Jackson Middle School II in Virginia Beach, stand-up comedian and subpar father Monty Johnson decided to end his Career Day presentation with a real haymaker about anal sex.
“I did probably seven, eight minutes,” claimed Johnson of his speech that was mostly X-rated jokes he’d only previously told on Zoom. “Those kids were a tough crowd, bunch of stone-faced litte fuckers. I think I got through to them though. Would have gone better if the teacher lady hadn’t fucked up my intro! How does she expect to teach kids if she doesn’t know how to say, ‘founder of Dongcast?’”
The entire consensus of the school’s staff as well as all other persons in attendance was that Johnson’s material was ”less than appropriate” for a children’s educational setting.
“He treated it like a one A.M., dive bar open mic set,” recounted Rayna Lopez, a horrified teacher’s assistant who was present for the Career Day debacle. “He started off the presentation with what he called ‘some light crowd work’ and then proceeded to ask one of the students ‘if their balls had dropped yet.’ The poor kid cried until recess. I don’t see us having Career Day ever again after this.”
Johnson’s presentation had been preceded by an accountant, a warehouse manager, a custom Etsy vase seller and a lawyer, all of whom managed to make it through their speeches without once mentioning anal sex.
“Listen, I’m not what you’d call easily offended,” claimed Tom Sheppard, a real estate agent and new anti-comedy advocate. “I don’t scare easy, and I have a stomach for most things when it comes to jokes. But there’s a time and place, and a Language Arts classroom at 9:35 AM is neither the time nor place for long-winded exploits about butt sex. I could hardly stand to look at the poster of Bill Nye with the caption, “There’s SCIENCE Inside YOU!”
Johnson later added that he is excited for emcees to bring him on stage as someone who does clubs, colleges, middle schools, and occasionally principal’s offices around the country.
By Chris Hudson.
The Bringer 