Kalamazoo, MI — Local comedian and open mic host Bob Razzio was seen preparing diligently for last week’s show by putting on his nicest Fruit Of The Loom sweatpants.
“I just want people to know I take it seriously,” Razzio said of his ensemble, which also included a grease-stained event tee and zero deodorant. “When people approach me, they should feel like they’re talking to someone who spent all four of his dollars on his outfit. I want to be as professional as Seinfeld, and I want to look like if Seinfeld spent a week and a half eating chili rellenos in bed.”
Razzio’s roommate Eldon Martin was quick to confirm the comedian’s rapport for wearing pajamas in public.
“I charge Bob $200 a month extra in rent just to live like he lives,” explained Martin, who, by virtue of sometimes wearing jeans, is easily the best dressed member of the household. “He only has three pairs of sweatpants, but the difference it makes when he fuckin’ washes them might as well make them brand new, so in a way, I guess he’s got six. God damn, that dude stinks. Are all comics just disgusting animals?”
While some might be put off by what Razzio considers a well-assembled outfit, others didn’t think it negatively affects his comedy at all.
“I didn’t know there was comedy here,” admitted Shirley Macomber, a regular patron at Scooter’s Grub & Glug, where the open mic takes place every other Tuesday evening. “If they would have put up an event on Facebook or something, I would have liked to see comedy! I love to laugh! That would be so much better than that one weird event they do, where the guy who looks like a cigarette and smells like feet tells his friends how horny he is. Whatever that is, it’s gotta go.”
Razzio later went on to claim he has plans to purchase a pair of pants with belt loops as soon as he finds a clothing store that accepts drink tickets as currency.
By Tyler Dark.
The Bringer 