New York, NY — Stand-up comic Tyler Hay continues to identify as a “bonafide New York comedian,” despite the fact he has yet to write a single joke about homeless people pleasuring themselves on the subway.
“I thought Tyler was a funny, New York type of guy,” reported comedy club attendant Derek Hartford. “However, it was pointed out to me that throughout the course of his shows, Tyler had yet to make a single reference to witnessing a homeless person committing acts of onanism while taking one of our city’s major forms of transport. I feel so very betrayed by this. When are you going to shoot this comedy load onto our faces, Tyler? See, I just did it and it wasn’t even hard, no pun intended. And there’s another!”
Longtime New York comedian Anthony Ricci had this to say about Hay’s “NY comedian” status.
“Come on man,” sneered a clearly irked Ricci. “Do you think you’re better than us or something? You don’t need to resort to jokes about dudes yankin’ it in front of everyone? Shit, do you even ride the subway Tyler? I’m starting to think this poser might be from Jersey, because watching a homeless guy jerk off is practically a right of passage around here.”
When asked for comment, Mr. Hay spoke out in defense of his lack of homeless-people-masturbating jokes.
“First off, to the guy who said I’m from Jersey, fuck you,” an appalled Hay clarified. “I live in Queens and I take the subway just like anyone else. Secondly, I don’t know, maybe I just think that mocking people with clear mental illnesses is in bad taste. I’ve been told not to punch down, and mocking the masturbating homeless feels a lot like if I were to, say, do a bit in which I mock the masturbating homeless.”
Hay was further scrutinized by his fellow comedians for refusing to make a single “LOL-That-Person-Is-Secretly-Gay” joke during a recent roast.
By Stephen Bell.
The Bringer 