Palm Beach, FL — Following weeks of fallout due to an attempted coup, disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump has permanently banned from Tony’s Tiki Hut’s very popular Tuesday night comedy open mic.
“Trump has been coming in for years,” said host Al Flannery. “He was a pain to work with, would just sort of walk on stage whenever, even in the middle of someone else’s set! And with this whole ‘overthrow the government’ thing, he had to go. It was a hard choice because, as comedians, we’re proponents of free speech. But I can’t let anyone use their stage time to install a fascist regime. You have to draw the line somewhere.”
While the decision was hard, club owner Tony Mandanowitz supported the decision to bar Trump from performing.
“I’ll admit, the guy did bring a crowd,” Mandanowitz confessed from his office. “But I’m not sure it was the right crowd for the Tiki Hut. There’s only so many times you can tell people this establishment doesn’t carry the latest flavor of Monster Energy drink. And his bit about hanging Pence was cringe to say the least.”
White House sources claim the newest ex-president is fuming about the exclusion.
“That once-great open mic has been failing for so long,” lamented a forlorn Trump from a Hardee’s in Tampa. “Sad. I am the funniest comic to ever be on their stage. Big laughs. Some say the biggest laughs ever. We will show them. I will be working out my 15 minutes at Cassidy’s Sports Bar on Sunday nights. I’ll send you a Facebook invite. Oh, wait…”
Trump was unavailable for further comment after being advised by lawyers not to say another fucking word until the dust from his numerous looming court cases settles.
By Ryan Danley.
The Bringer 