Wilmington, DE — After eleven years of consistent practice at open mics, constant review of filmed sets, and daily writing exercises, local comedian Denise LeBlanc recently announced she has given up hope of ever surpassing Dicky Cantry, a guy with, like, a lot of friends.
“I can’t keep on being disappointed,” remarked LeBlanc from behind a literal tower of notebooks filled with practiced material. “It’s not worth it to keep trying if some dude can just bring all his friends and say whatever he wants, knowing everyone will laugh. He just gets up and says he ‘doesn’t give a fuck’ over and over. And the whole crowd cheers, because they’re all his friends. Then they leave as soon as he gets off. It’s bullshit!”
Cantry was quick to rebut the claim that he only gets a positive audience reaction when he packs a room with familiars.
“They cheer for me ‘cause I’m a fuckin’ comedy god,” he declared as the ten people he brought to the interview with him roared with applause. “I don’t need fifty people to show up for me to have an amazing set. Like, have only thirty people show up, and see what happens! I’ll still kill it ‘cause I’m a beast! Now who’s ready to get fucked up??”
One venue owner was quick to admit that they would rather have a comic bring a bunch of proxy audience members than hire someone who was actually decent at comedy.
“Look, I’ve seen this LeBlanc lady, and she’s got a real talent,” said Kenny Forsythe, owner of Kenny’s Wing Shack, which hosts a biweekly comedy showcase. “But if it’s between her and the one loud guy who swears a lot, I’m going with the guy because he brings every single one of his friends, every single time. None of them tip, but that’s a problem for my staff to deal with. The money I personally make off these idiots is too good to say no to.”
At press time, Cantry’s friends were clapping their pied piper on the shoulder while reciting quotes from his infamous closer, “Make some noise if you like drinkin’!”
By Tyler Dark.
The Bringer 