Lexington, KY — Comedian Danny Roberts was spotted on the corner of E. Loudon Ave and N. Limestone the other day holding a stack of papers and looking panicked.
“I’ve got to get ready for pitch season,” he said frantically. “Only when my divine order is up on the big screen will they understand! But my local Starbucks won’t let me spend the day transcribing these papers because apparently there’s some ‘virus’?” When asked what exactly was written on the papers, he said that “it’s a guide to how everything should be.”
Enrique Arnold, Danny’s friend who is also a comedian, was quick to tell reporters plainly what was written on the papers.
“It’s a manifesto, straight up,” Arnold stated with zero hesitation. “It has some creepy shit in it too. Some older dude at an open mic named Smitty Walson charged him $500 to tell him he needed to submit a screenplay to Netflix, and when Danny showed up with his manifesto, Smitty told him to use it.”
In the opening scene of the film, Roberts is seen beating up all of his high school bullies at once, while “the hottest girls in school” cheer him on, including his “bodacious babe of a chemistry teacher.”
“It’s a classic good vs. evil, enlightened vs. woke kind of thing,” Roberts explained. “It’s resurrecting the idea of how society should be: only advantageous for people who are like me. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to get my first 30 pages to the netflixexec@netflix.com e-mail address.”
Roberts has since been seen looking frantically for any coffee shop or restaurant that would let him sit down for nine hours straight to type out more dialogue for his adaptation.
By Chris Hudson.
The Bringer 