Kansas City, MO – Reemer Hawkwind, a comedian whose name is objectively cool, was performing at a rooftop comedy showcase recently where a friend vouched for him to get a spot on the show, only to discover that he is probably the coolest person ever to absolutely suck at comedy.
“I thought Reemer had all these cool stories he could share,” said Greg Futz, a longtime friend of Hawkwind who had heard him talk about comedy once. “From having parents who played in jam bands to the time he went with his uncle to study penguins in Antarctica, this guy is an encyclopedia of awesome. I thought he’d be great at comedy, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. He’s so bad at it, that I now find the fact that he once got a guitar lesson from Steve Vai entirely uncool.”
Many other comedians on the show and even some of the audience members agreed that Reemer was indeed very nice and also good at holding conversation.
“He knew so much about the textile industry, he could point to a thread on my shirt and tell me where it came from,” said Mary Price, an audience member at the show. Multiple audience members agreed with her, telling The Bringer that Reemer seemed like “a chill guy.” When it came time for Reemer to do his set, however, things turned out very differently.
Reemer started out okay, according to some reports. He joked about having a first name that sounds like “weiner” and having hippie parents. But then things got dark. His jokes turned to more disdainful statements where he chastised “fatty fat fucks” for apparently “eating too much food and being useless idiots.” Silence from the crowd did not deter Reemer as he pivoted to guns, saying that he “wished to purchase a gun that could not be traced” so he could “do what others did not have the courage to.”
An audible “what the fuck” was heard from someone in the crowd towards the end of Reemer’s set while the host was seen aggressively lighting him. He closed on a statement that “darkness would soon once again rise upon the Earth” before playfully air guitaring to the music that played him off stage. A spokesman for the show told The Bringer that Reemer didn’t “seem like a psycho when we said, ‘Sure, we can give you a guest spot. Reemer Hawkwind is a cool name!’”
By Chris Hudson.
The Bringer 