Dover, DE – Witnesses tell The Bringer that local comedian Frances Walinford was overheard at an open mic last Saturday, boasting to everyone present about the festival he had just paid $35 to enter.
“Dude, you’ve got to apply to this festival. It’s totally rad,” exclaimed Walinford in regards to the opportunity. “I did this festival once in 2015, got really lucky, and landed the 5 PM slot on the 12-hour Thursday showcase. Honestly, that’s when my career took off. Since then, I haven’t paid more than fifty bucks to perform.”
Walinford apparently spent his grocery money to submit to the Tallalaughie Comedy Festival in Tallahassee, Florida, a town where he knows absolutely no one.
“I’m just gonna wing it, man,” Walinford was overheard saying while stretching his arms out to imitate an eagle. “Sure, I don’t have a car, or any real plan of getting there and back, or even a valid legal ID, but that’s the life of a road comic! Taking it as it comes!”
Friends of Walinford were concerned when they heard he had once again applied for the festival after his stories from attending years ago.
“He kept talking about how cool Screech was to party with,” said Troy Logan, who to date has loaned Walinford over $400. “He was like, ‘dude, Dustin freakin’ Diamond asked me to pay for all the drinks we had at the second bar we went to after the show!’ I didn’t know how to tell him that nobody gives a fuck about Screech. Plus, $35 to perform? That means he’s paying each person in the audience $5. Seems backwards to me.”
Despite sleeping in a bus station, Walinford maintained that paying hundreds of dollars to do a brief set at The Tallalaughie Comedy Festival was still worth it.
“It’ll be a killer credit that’ll propel me right into space, man! First, Tallalaughie Comedy Festival 2020, then in twelve or thirteen years, maybe JFL! I’m gonna buy one of their t-shirts if I get in. Performers only have to pay $30, discounted from $40! One of the perks of being on tour!”
By Chris Hudson.
The Bringer 