Friends Too Drunk to Confront Comedian About His Drinking Problem

Friends of David Richardson agreed unanimously this Tuesday that while they were troubled by their friend’s drinking habits, they were also too drunk to confront him about it.

“He’s out of control,” remarked Marsha Ng, a friend of Richardson, while finishing her fourth shot in as many minutes. “He’s up on stage slurping his…slurting his…getting his words wrong. I’m sick of just standing by, watching this happen. Next week I’m absolutely going to say something.”

Other sources claim that Richardson’s behavior has gotten increasingly inappropriate in recent weeks, alleging that he “had to be dragged off stage last week”, “passed out in one of the booths”, and “totally pissed himself.” They all agreed that they need to stage an intervention, but some of them expressed concerns that this was not the night for it.

After a brief discussion, the intervention was tentatively scheduled for next week, at the open mic, on the condition that that Richardson arrived relatively early.

“It just feels inappropriate,” sighed Clair Haffotser. “You can’t let a guy pay for your first four drinks, and then turn around and suddenly do an intervention on him. It’s just not done. Plus I am absolutely counting on him to buy me more drinks, which he’s less likely to do if I’m pleading with him to change his lifestyle.”

“We all know Dave has a drinking problem,” said Terry Gertz, Richardson’s close friend and fellow open mic comedian. “And of course we need to talk to him about it. But if he shows up halfway through the mic, after I’ve already had eight beers….I mean my hands are tied here.”

The possibility of holding an intervention someplace other than a bar, before or after an open mic, was raised and then quickly dismissed.

“I wish I could, but I don’t have time,” said Jacob Solomon, best known for a viral video where he replaced all the dialogue in a scene from Love, Actually with fart noises. “I have to do 43 mics a week to keep my craft up. I just don’t have the time to take a night off to have an intervention for a friend.”

By Danny Rathbun.