Opinion: She Only Gets Booked Because She’s Hot, Funny, Talented, and Professional

In the midst of a global pandemic, worldwide protests against police brutality, and historically high unemployment rates, the one thing that’s on everyone’s mind is unmistakably clear: female privilege in stand-up comedy. Let’s discuss it.

If a woman goes to a movie theater by herself, no one bats an eye. But whenever I, a 34-year-old man, attend a movie alone, it’s considered “violating my probation” or “masturbating in public”. It’s unfair and, sadly, a comedy career is no different: everywhere I go, I see women getting booked instead of me, on the sole basis of looks, talent, joke construction, stage presence, commitment, and professionalism.

I started performing standup comedy only three weeks ago, but does that mean a woman with far more experience and talent should get more stage time than me? My local comedy club seems to think so.

I have to leave the comfort of my own parent’s home everyday to beg the Chuckle Bakery to put me on a show, and everyday the response is the same, “You’re not ready,” or “You literally have zero jokes,” and “Why are you bleeding?” Meanwhile, they’re booking a female comedian with a highly rated comedy special, several TV credits and countless comedy competition wins under her belt. Like we all don’t see what’s going on!

Today, I asked the club why they’d book a woman instead of me, a question they described as “sexist” and “you’re literally bleeding all over the floor”. I didn’t spend several years watching Comedy 101 videos on YouTube for a booker to call me “sexist” just because I don’t think women are funny.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m an immensely open-minded person. My comedy influences consist of some of the most diverse white men the Midwest has to offer. Despite what I said about women not being funny, there are a few female comedians who’ve actually made me laugh, like Rosanne Barr and Jay Leno.

But I’m no idiot. I own over 300 books, most of which I’ve almost finished coloring. So I’m keenly aware of the fact that the only reason comedy venues are booking this particular woman is because of her looks, her well-written jokes, her uncanny ability to captivate an audience, and her all-around comedic prowess.

By Literally A. Koala