Houston, TX — Local comedy patron Eric Graves decided to put himself at the mercy of a global pandemic last night by going out to listen to his friend, comedian Bryan Cohen, perform a recycled and unrevised set at Paddy’s Dive Bar.
“So is anyone here on Tinder? I am, because the alternative is jerking off eight times a day,” said Cohen to an audience that placed their safety and well-being in jeopardy so they could watch him perform. “I don’t think I’m doing well on the app though, because now I’m jerking off nine times a day.”
Graves, despite hearing this joke countless times before COVID-19 began ravaging the nation, let out a hearty laugh in response. “That’s a classic Cohen bit,” said Graves. “Glad he decided to keep that in his tight five, in addition to his story about getting high for the first time. He hasn’t written much new stuff, but it was still worth chancing a slow and painful death to come out and support my buddy.”
Most of the performers on the show felt as though they were providing the public with an invaluable service: brightening a scary and uncertain world with racist rants and sexual exploits.
“Our job as comedians is more important now than it’s ever been. Times are rough, so I want to be there to spread joy and laughter to everyone,” said Cohen, who spent most of his set awkwardly fumbling through his notes to remember a setlist that he hasn’t changed in two years. “If anyone ends up getting sick from coming tonight, at least I know that I worked hard to give them a great time.”
When asked about the potential risks of contracting COVID-19 from attending an indoor comedy show, Graves simply shrugged and said, “I think at the end of the day, it’s worth coming out to see the hilarious performers who have been working hard on their craft while in quarantine. Besides, I’ve gotten to know Bryan pretty well. He’d make sure that I stayed safe. He really values my time.”
After the show, Cohen gave Graves a hearty bro-hug and quickly thanked him for coming out before leaving to check himself into the nearest hospital.
By Peter Clark-Deutsch.
The Bringer 