Garnet Valley, PA — A recent outdoor open mic, hosted by members of Substandard Comedy Collective, was disrupted suddenly when several nearby geese began relentlessly heckling the comedians onstage.
“I’ve been heckled before, but I never met a drunk asshole who was louder than these damn geese,” recalled Kiana Lawrence, Substandard Comedy co-founder and budding anti-waterfowl advocate. “It’s hard enough doing stuff like this outdoors, which we’ve had to do more and more with the Coronavirus, but then you add endless honking? It was unbearable. Those stupid geese ruined the show.”
Attendees of the open mic were also less than pleased by the unannounced arrival of the geese, who seemed to have had no intention of enjoying or participating in the show.
“I don’t want to say that all geese are pieces of shit, but everyone there hated these fuckers,” said Colby Bronner, who picked up his lawn chair and left the show thirty minutes after it started. “Eventually, I had had enough and decided to walk out. If it hadn’t been for the honking, I’d have probably stayed ten, fifteen more minutes. But it was all gaggle and no giggle, as they say.”
Man Honk, an individual who looks suspiciously like several geese disguised as a person, was quick to defend to flock of hecklers.
“Those comics sucked! Not funny, and they didn’t bring bread,” squawked Honk, as he quickly hid his feathered fingers in the pockets of his trench coat. “Fifteen so-called comedians, not a slice of bread between them. Now that’s a joke! You come to our neighborhood, you bring bread. I don’t make the rules, I just aggressively enforce them.”
Substandard Comedy plans to continue its outdoor open mic series when the impolite geese migrate north to Canada, where they intend to heckle the Just For Laughs festival.
By Tyler Dark.
The Bringer 