Beloit, WI — A local comedy fan caused quite a stir during a showcase at Spicy Dave’s Wing Shack last Tuesday; Beloit resident Allen Stewart, who has never performed comedy in his life, managed to make more of a profit than headlining comedian, Jordan “Laugh Man” Crawl, simply by charging his mobile device at the venue.
“I asked the bartender if it was cool for me to charge my phone on the socket by the touchscreen TV in the corner,” said Stewart of what has since been recognized as a brilliant business move. “Since I was without a phone for a few minutes, I decided to watch the comedian who was next to the Big Buck Hunter machine. I guess I left it there for a while, and now all of sudden, these amateur comedians are asking me for financial advice.”
Headliner “Laugh Man“, who insisted upon being referenced by his stage name, was less than enthused about the pay difference. “A comedian of my caliber should be compensated respectfully,” he declared. “After all, I’m the one who opened for Screech 11 years ago. And I’m pretty sure one of the jokes in Amy Schumer’s latest special was inspired by something I tweeted in 2012.”
However, “Laugh Man” did make a point to clarify that his resentment is towards Spicy Dave’s, and not Stewart. “Hey, I understand the only reason his phone was fully charged is because he was captivated by my performance. If I can inspire another artist, that’s what matters most.”
Of the performance, Stewart told The Bringer, “it was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in a social setting. This ‘Laugh Man’ guy went on a 10-minute rant about how he flirts with women at the gym by telling them which body parts they should be working on. Then he told some random man in the audience he looked like a lesbian. Nothing about it even resembled what I’d call comedy.”
Stewart has garnered local fame among artists and performers seeking money-making tips and financial guidance. “I really have no idea how that world works. I’m actually just a cable-installer,” he professed wisely. “But I suppose you could save a few dollars by ordering a water with extra lemon, and a few sugar packets, instead of a tea drink. Or maybe try not to go ‘number 2’ all day until you get to the venue. That way, you save money on TP.”
While Spicy Dave’s representatives were unavailable for comment, sources confirmed that they have fired the bartender who let Stewart charge his phone, and that they are now filing for bankruptcy.
By Mike Moran.
The Bringer 